Sunday, January 23, 2005

To be a saint...

Looking around a bit at different saints' lives, it seems to me that not all that many of them had very happy lives. Most saints seem to suffer a lot... (And endure it patiently of course) So I guess being ready to give up happiness would be putting myself on the path to sainthood? Not that I am anywhere near sainthood. Just that this seems to be a requirement for sainthood....

If that is what it takes, then I am ready... (I think) although I am not quite ready to do this without complaining just yet... and I am nowhere near patient,... and I am nowhere near good,... I am a procrastinator of the highest degree, in fact here I am on the computer again when I could be using free time to do something more useful...

I have always thought that God wishes us to be happy, even on earth... and that of course by following his laws (which are there to help us to be happy) we could be happy... but I think I was wrong... not that he doesn't want us to be happy... but happiness doesn't always happen... sometimes you have to suffer too.

I scoff at myself,... I think I am suffering, when actually so many people suffer much more than I, Jesus suffered much more than I... do I really think I am suffering?

I must pray more, and stop procrastinating... I must get off of this confounded computer and get some work done!!!

Friday, January 21, 2005

Immaculate Heart of Mary...

Pray for us now and at the hour of our death.

Someone suggested to me that I check out the green scapular, that through it's graces, conversion of loved ones could be obtained. I have hidden the scapular under the mattress in our room. And I have been repeating the prayer all evening... sometimes with tears rolling out of my eyes.

The graces are proportional to one's confidence in Mary... I do not know how much confidence I have,... but I am praying,... as much for myself as for him.

"I do not promise to bring happiness for you in this world, but in the next." Mary told Bernadette. Someone else keeps telling me "La vida no es como uno quiere." Life is not how one would like it to be. Does this mean I have to give up my happiness for holiness?

Look at St. Rita, if anyone deserved to have her marriage annulled, it was her, married off at 15 to someone she hadn't chosen and who abused her... yet she stayed with him, and despite the fact she was a holy person, her two sons followed their father's footsteps. The husband and the two sons end up dying but not before converting.

They only convert at the end of their lives. St Rita became a nun after that.

But had she been able to have her marriage annulled, would that have changed something for her children? Would they have lived longer happier faith-filled lives? Would she still be a saint even though she had had her marriage annulled? Could she not have continued to pray for the ex-husband after annulment? Did she have to give up happiness for holiness?

Do I have to wait until DH is on his death-bed for him to convert? Do I have to give up happiness for him to convert?

Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.

The same person also told me, "No existe una vida feliz, solo existen momentos felices." A happy life does not exist, only happy moments exist. In other words, noone is ever happy all the time. But I think some people are mostly happy, and others are mostly unhappy. I want to be mostly happy.

Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Coucoumelle's Family

Marc and Jeanne, Jean-Alexandre 10 1/2, Dominic 6, Maryssa 4 1/2 and Gabriel 2 Posted by Hello


Please help me to love the way I should, even when I don't want to anymore...
Even when I don't feel anything anymore...
Help me to love as you do...

Help me to be patient with my children and my husband.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Maxine's Prayer

Maxine Praying Posted by Hello

Intellectual Orgasm

Someone told me today that talking with me was something like having a mental orgasm.

Apart from being a wonderful complement, it made me think of Christopher West's book Good News for Sex and Marriage. He describes sex between a husband and wife as a sacrament, as being the closest thing on earth to what we will have in Heaven being in Communion with God and each other. He compares sex to the Eucharist. Sex is something sacred, something holy, something extremely beautiful.

It is good to have friends on earth with whom one can achieve this type of "spiritual orgasm". Some people are lucky enough to be married to people with whom they can achieve both spiritual and corporal orgasm.

It reminds of a song that Enrique Iglesias sings. Actually one of the better ones in his repertory: Experiencia Religiosa. I don't know who wrote this, but I wonder if he knew how close he really was to the truth? I wonder if Enrique Iglesias ever realized it? Somehow I doubt it.

Experiencia Religiosa
Religious Experience

Un poco de ti para sobrevivir
Esta noche que viene fria y sola
Un aire de extasis en la ventana
Para vestirme de fiesta y ceremonia

A little of you to survive
This night that comes cold and lonely
A breath of extasy in the window
To cover me in festivity and ceremony

Cada vez que estoy contigo
Yo descubro el infinito
Tiembla el suelo
La noche se ilumina
El silencio se vuelva melodia

Every time that I'm with you
I discover the infinite
The earth trembles
The night brightens
Silence turns into melody

Y es casi una experiencia religiosa
Sentir que rescucito si me tocas
Subir al firmamento prendido de tu cuerpo
Es una experiencia religiosa

And it's almost a religious experience
To feel that I'm resurected if you touch me
To rise to the heavens entwined in your body
It's a religious experience

Casi un ana experiencia religiosa
Contigo cada instante en cada cosa
Besar la boca tuya merece un aleluya
Es una experiencia religiosa

Almost a religious experience
With you in every instant in everything
To kiss your lips is worth an Halleluia
It's a religious experience

Vuelve pronto mi amor, te necesito ya
Porque esta noche tan honda me da miedo
Necesito la musica de tu alegria
Para callar los demonios que llevo dentro

Come back soon my love, I need you now
Because this night so deep scares me
I need the music of your happiness
To calm the demons that I carry inside

Cada vez que estoy contigo
Ya no hay sombra ni peligro
Las horas pasan mejor entre tus brazos
Me siento nuevo y a nada le hago caso

Every time that I'm with you
There is no more shadow nor danger
The hours go by better in your arms
I feel like new and nothing worries me

Y es casi una experiencia religiosa...
Casi una experiencia religiosa...
Y es casi una experiencia religiosa...
Casi una experiencia religiosa...

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Christmas 2004

Maryssa, Gabriel, Jean-Alexandre and Dominic
Christmas, 2004 Posted by Hello

Concert Night

Jean-Alexandre and I just before going to a Christmas concert December 11, 2004 Posted by Hello

Monday, January 10, 2005

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Chercher Jésus pour ne plus être prisonnier

Ceci vient d'une homélie d'un Saint Origène du 3e siecle:
C'était comme si c'était écrit pour moi. Je me sens prisonnière de ma vie. Je ne me sens plus capable d'être heureuse dans cette vie. Voilà une réponse... chercher l'enfant Jésus au temple, le serrer dans ses bras, et ainsi on peut être heureux n'importe o
ù, là où on se trouve.

Siméon savait que personne ne peut nous faire sortir de la prison du corps, avec l'espoir de la vie future, si ce n'est celui qu'il tenait dans ses bras. C'est pourquoi il lui dit : « Maintenant, Seigneur, tu laisses ton serviteur s'en aller dans la paix, car aussi longtemps que je ne portais pas le Christ et que je ne le serrais pas dans mes bras, j'étais comme prisonnier et ne pouvais me dégager de mes liens. » Et il est à remarquer que ceci ne vaut pas seulement pour Siméon, mais pour tous les hommes. Si quelqu'un quitte ce monde et veut gagner le Royaume, qu'il prenne Jésus en ses mains, qu'il l'entoure de ses bras, qu'il le serre sur sa poitrine, et alors il pourra se rendre tout joyeux là o
ù il désire...

« Tous ceux qu'anime l'Esprit de Dieu sont fils de Dieu » (Rm 8,14). C'est donc l'Esprit Saint qui mène Siméon au Temple. Si toi aussi tu veux tenir Jésus, le serrer dans tes bras et devenir digne de sortir de ta prison, efforce-toi de te laisser conduire par l'Esprit pour parvenir au temple de Dieu. Te voici dès maintenant dans le temple du Seigneur Jésus, c'est-à-dire son Église, son temple construit de pierres vivantes (1P 2,5)...

J'ai besoin de faire ceci souvent car je me sens souvent impuissante, incapable de continuer mon chemin. Je voudrais retourner en arrière et choisir un autre chemin que celui-ci.

Passing on the faith

How does one pass on one's faith when one's husband not only does not believe, but hates the faith?

How can I encourage my children to keep going to mass once they hit adolescence when I have agreed not to force them to go anymore at that point? By not forcing them to go, I did not think that I would not be able to insist either, I did not think that DH would actually openly tell them that they no longer needed to go if they didn't want to... but I can see clearly now, that that is exactly what he will do.

A friend of mine told me recently that he could imagine how my DH feel about religion. He thinks that DH is not truely an unbeliever but that he is hurt and disappointed. I think he nailed it right on. I have thought that for a long time, and I have a good idea why. My friend said that a true unbeliever would simply not care about religion either way, would not rant and rave or blaspheme about it, it would simply leave him indifferent. But this is not the case for DH. My friend thinks that in his heart DH would like to believe that there is God who cares for us, but that he cannot see Him.

Later on today, we will have a late supper together, my friend and I, and talk face to face about a few things. We caught each other on MSN messenger, and realized that we have a lot to say to each other. We are each of us going through some hard times, more or less similar things right now, and we want to sit and talk and catch up. We haven't done that in so long, over 10 years.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Amazing, really...

... how we as humans can continue to live life as if nothing were wrong, as if we weren't torn up inside, as if we weren't regretting all the little mistakes and wrong decisions that lead us to places we don't want to be, but are not free to leave.

Amazing how one can live happy moments, can laugh and joke and appear at peace with oneself and yet feel empty inside.

Human capacity, human strength is amazing. The ability to do what is right, to search for the truth, to put others first, to sacrifice oneself...

Saturday, January 01, 2005

From Hi5 - January 1, 2005

What a beautiful day we had today! It was like spring this morning. The birds were singing, the snow was melting for the third day in a row (not much is left in the fields), the sun even came out for awhile, the grass is turning green!! Of course that is all an illusion because it will get colder quick enough. (In fact it is already below freezing right now.)

I love spring. It puts me in a good mood. It's new life, new beginnings, hope,... It felt like that today, how nice, for the new year... a new year is that too, new beginnings... I was in a good mood today.

Maybe part of the reason I'm down/tired/lack energy these days is because it's winter, that has never really affected me before,... but one spring-like day sure lifted my spirits!!!

Well, time to go get supper on, I think DH has already started on that,... I should go and see if anything else should be done...