Wednesday, December 29, 2004

From Hi5 - December 29, 2004

Still tired,... went to bed early last night, (well relatively early, actually about 10:30 or so) and slept well until about 2:00 or 2:30 at which point I woke up and then I couldn't get back to sleep... Plus both Maryssa and Gabriel got up at one point in the night which didn't help. I did doze somewhat after Marc left for work, but I am tired again today.

Still a prisoner of my thoughts... :)

Taking up Book Two of the story I have been writing. This is the farthest I've ever gotten on any story... we'll have to see if it ever actually gets done... well Book One got done, we'll have to see about Book Two... Book Two is kind of a fresh start, which means it is pretty much open to anything right about now, I just need some really good inspiration, I have some ideas about some things I want to add in, and some subplots for some future secondary characters that we haven't met yet but will... but no major story line yet... I'm not an organised writer, the story just kind of happens... kind of like real life just happens I guess...

Well, time to go to bed... Good night.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

From Hi5 - December 28, 2004

Christmas Eve 2004 Posted by Hello

I am soooo tired.

Had a headache this afternoon, that's usually a sure sign I'm tired... took some coffee and ibuprofene and It did go away, but I am exhausted. It seemed to take so long to get the kids in bed tonight and I had no energy for it...

Went sliding with Cecil and the kids yesterday, but it was quite cold out so that didn't last very long. I'll have to do that again when the weather gets a little warmer. Marc had yesterday and today off, so he finally did some cleaning down here in the basement... things are starting to look a little better... He goes back to work tommorrow morning.

Went to the library with Jean-Alexandre this afternoon to return the (overdue) library books and take out some new ones. Didn't take the others with me this time, because that is so exhausting to have all four of them with me there.

Listened to Jose Luis Perales again today, I have to stop doing that, it just depresses me. In 1993, I used to listen to Cancion de Otono and sing along... it described so well how I felt,...

...Te recuerdo hoy, a ti
Que eres mi vida entera,
La brisa de primavera, la claridad
A ti, que sufres cuando me esperas,
Que miras a las estrellas,
Y que suspiras por mi...

I could sing that at the top of my lungs a thousand times and not get tired of it...

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

From hi5 - December 21, 2004

Don Bosco Roga 1993  Posted by Hello

Tired again today. I was up late last night, on the computer and a friend of mine came on at about 1:00 in the morning, (he'd just come back from an office party) and he needed to talk, so we were up til almost 2:00. Then at around 4:00 Gabriel was yelling from his room... (groaaaaan...)

Had a headache around suppertime, but took some advil with some coffee and that got rid of it.

I have been going through my journal that I wrote when I was in Paraguay in 1993. It was part of the experience, I had to write an entry for every time I went to my place of work. (volunteer work) I didn't always feel like writing in it, sometimes it felt kind of ridiculous to be writing about seemingly mundane things, but I am SOOOOOO glad I did now, and that I kept it. A lot of memories came back about things I had completely forgotten.

I am in nostalgia city right now. Every once in awhile I get that, and then I re-read the journals, and I look at the few pictures I have from Paraguay and I dream about going back to see my boys, but of course my boys are all grown up now and most likely gone. Some probably have children of their own. It is amazing how 5 months of my life can still haunt me today. There are certain parts of my life that stand out in my mind as especially meaningful and those five months spent with streetkids in Paraguay is definitely important.

I am posting a picture from back then, Antonio, myself and "my boys". Too bad it ends up being so small, noone can see a thing... but here's a link to a bigger version:

Antonio, with whom I worked the most, (along with Iginio who is not present in the picture) is standing in the back to the right of the kid waving his hands in the air. I am in the back to the right wearing a green sweater. I remember Antonio with a great fondness. What a wonderful man and such a good friend for the time I was there. I wish I had some news of him.

These are my boys (some of them). Full of life, full of affection, full of faults, but so loveable. They wanted me to stay. They wanted me to marry Antonio or Crescencio, it didn't matter to them which one, as long as I stayed with them. I do so miss them all and wonder what has become of them. Did their stay at Don Bosco Roga better their lives? Are they happy today? Do they still remember Juana la Cubana?

Angelito, Miguelito, Raul, Richar (no era tu nombre de verdad pero, bueno,...) Ruben, Edgar, Jorgito, Antonio (el niño), Pedro, Cesar, Luis, Victor, y los demás... a donde están hoy? Me acuerdo de cada uno de ustedes con mucho cariño, espero que están felices.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

From Hi5 - December 19, 2004

Feeling tired today, didn't sleep well last... still have a lot on my mind... just kind of have no taste for my life right now... I think I really need to get out and do something, but it's the kick in the butt that I need...

I keep thinking, once Gabriel hits three,... maybe I'll go back to school... or maybe when they're all in school... I have been thinking recently that maybe, if I go back to school I could study web design... that's something I really like to do and it would pay better than hairdressing...

Still working on the hair salon thing... it is really hard to advance at all, because DH has other priorities besides cleaning up in here, and he's still blaming me for not wanting to really start one up... but how can I seriously invite anyone in here when there is such a mess? If it were my stuff... half of it would be gone by now... garbage, SVP, given away, recycled, whatever,... I mean some of this stuff has been in boxes for over 10 years!!! Time to get rid of it!!! I am so tired of the mess here, but nothing gets done to get rid of it... DH works late, and is too tired to do anything when he gets home... the past two months he's had courses everyweekend on top of everything... it's been like being a single mom. I don't even hang out with him when he is home... I come down here to the computer... he watches TV,... I'm not interested in TV.

I am so tired of his snide remarks about mass and religion and everything, his jokes are so old, they're not funny anymore... He was going at it again this morning and I just ignored him, didn't even look at him, just got up to put the dishes away...

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

From Hi5 - December 15, 2004 - Take Two

Gabriel, November 2004 Posted by Hello

Here is Gabriel's photo, to the left... cutie-pie huh? I make such good-looking children,...

From Hi5 - December 15, 2004

Dominic - November 2004
Went to see the dress rehearsal of the Christmas Concert at St John's School. I couldn't go see the real concert, although I had to drive Jean-Alexandre to it, to perform, and pick him up again later, not because I was unable to be there, but because they were unable to have me (and a few other parents too!) That is the first I've seen of limited seating at a school Christmas concert!!! We had to buy tickets to go, and then we were only allowed 4 tickets per family, (well excuse me, but we are 6) so anyway, by the time I got around to phoning about that, they were all out of tickets anyway. I just wonder why they don't rent a bigger hall, if they ALREADY know that they don't have enough seating... (unless they get that particular one free or for a low price?) Anyway,... I mean since we're paying for the tickets anyway,... they might as well charge a little more, (and specify that it is to cover the cost of renting the hall) and then rent a bigger hall... make it 5 dollars instead of 3!

It just serves to remind me how close-minded a culture can get... I mean people are so used to families with only one or two children, that they can't even fathom that anyone might have more than that!!! Look at any family special to go anywhere, stay anywhere, do anything,... they are always for families with two kids,... so what do we do with the other ones? Leave them at home? WHY HAVE A LIMIT? If anyone needs a break, it is a large family... so why not just have a MAXIMUM price for a family and never mind how many kids there are!!! It has gotten so bad, that now, large families are being indirectly discriminated against. Indirectly maybe, unknowingly maybe, but STILL discriminated against. They are definitely NOT cheaper by the dozen these days!!! Take soccer for instance... If you have two children in the Haut-Richelieu soccer league, you get a 10 dollar rebate for the second. If you have three... you get a 10 dollar rebate for the third one two... uh,... hello-o-o, we pay like, over a hundred dollars PER CHILD just to play for four months!!! A ten dollar rebate is NOT going very far!!! For the 3rd and subsequent children, to make it really worthwhile, HALF-PRICE would be nice!!! Or even better,... a MAXIMUM family fee... (And the mother plays too... another hundred or so for her as well... No wonder we have pulled everyone out for the time being... we're a bit tight in funds these days... by not signing anyone up for the winter session, we saved ourselves over $300 dollars!

I think I am going to send out some flyers this spring in my neighbourhood and invite the neighbourhood out to the park behind my house for some informal soccer... for those that would like to play, but don't have the money... Say, 7:00 pm every Tuesday and Friday or something like that... and we make up new teams each week with whoever shows up...

Sunday, December 12, 2004

From Hi5 - December 12, 2004

Today has just been one of those days...I had to scold Dominic a few times this morning because he wasn't following the rules and wasn't being careful. Then, driving home, I see this huge double-sized ad for some XXX sex shop, right there on the highway, for all to see (including my kids in the van) with a nice photo to boot of a woman in underwear on top of someone else... you get the picture... I mean give me a break please!!! If they have to advertise, (and really, do they? I mean, the people who want to find them WILL find them!) do they have to add PICTURES to it too?!!

I so DISLIKE Quebec and it's cult to SEX. They invade my life with their cult, I see their ads on the highway, they put their ads on Phonebook covers (front of the cover in prominent place so you can't miss it with two pics of women posing...) which I had to throw out, uh, excuse me but I'm NOT putting THAT on my phonebook!! And now some exchangist bar is putting an ad on the radio, usually in the evening, but even as early as 8 or 9, when I have kids in the car, and it just goes on to explain how unsatisfying being faithful to your spouse can be, and it is only natural to want to add some spice to your sex-life so why not come out and meet some other couples and exchange partners... etc... I mean, it's not just promoting the bar, it's promoting the actual LIFE-STYLE!!! And my KIDS ARE IN THE CAR!!!! Okay, so at the beginning the guy says, this message is not intended for those under 18. HELLOOOOO, do these magic words automatically block their ears so they can't hear the rest of the message? It might go right over the tops of the heads of young children, but not teens and pre-teens!!!! These are not the kinds of values I want to promote to my kids, and I don't want others promoting them to my kids either. If they want to do things like that, then keep it to themselves, instead of explaining it over the radio and telling everyone how natural and good it is!!!

It makes me wish I were back in Prince George. At least there, I had friends who were similar to me. Especially at Development and Peace, there, everyone in my D&P group was for Social Justice, AND pro-life. Hard to find people like that in this world, I have discovered. You either have the liberal people who might be very pro-social justice, or you have the conservative people who are very pro-life, but few seem to be both... So with the conservative people you stay away from social justice issues that are too controvertial (like the war in Iraq and Bush) and with the liberal people you stay away from pro-life issues and sexual morality. You're never free to talk about just anything. The Pope is one who is both pro-life and pro-social justice... such a good pope we have... and most people don't know the half of it... most figure he's just out to ruin their fun... It is their "fun" that is the core root of most problems that society deals with today... I know I sound like some extremist conservative saying that, but think about it, most of the problems in society today can be linked either directly or indirectly to sex and how people view it, and how they use it. (Or use others to get it.)

The problem with Quebecers is that they are like a huge gang of adolescents who reject everything their elders say, they want to start over, they think they have all the answers, they reject the good with the bad, they want to have fun and forget about the consequences. One of my friends laughed at me for being "English", not going with all the changes... I didn't like that. I don't appreciate being laughed at. Not all change is good. Change does not come with a guarantee that it will be good. I am not for throwing centuries of meaningful tradition out the window for change. When something is bad, change it, if it ain't broke, don't fix it...

I don't feel like seeing that friend again,... I realize we have gone down separate roads since I moved to Prince George and came back. He seems to be much more "liberal" than he was, whereas I have gone back to my more conservative roots. I have always been conservative about things like family values... I just compromised a couple of years after meeting Marc, but I came back to who I've always been and what I've always known, and I really regret compromising... I won't do it again.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

From Hi5 - December 8, 2004

Feast of the Immaculate Conception

Am in the middle of trying to get all my Christmas cards sent off... not an easy chore when you have to write a general Christmas letter and then translate it into two other languages so everyone can understand it, and then try to remember which people get it in which language... ha ha

I have sent off most of the English ones, and the rest of them are waiting with the Spanish ones to be sent off. So now all I have to do is get the French ones ready... I have to get Dh to proofread first... Noone to proofread the Spanish ones though,... oh well, they know Spanish isn't my first language... they aren't expecting perfection... :)

Had a friend over last week, I went to get her in Quýbec City on Monday and took her back on Friday. Her boyfriend was thinking of leaving her (They have two babies, one 5 months and one 16 months) she was about to have a depression... so I invited her here. Things seem to be going better now for her... but she has personal problems she needs help with...

Well, I must go, I need to clean up after supper upstairs... and put away some letter/card-making supplies... tired still... I need sleep!

We are going out tommorrow night, Marc and I, to his office Christmas party... so I get to be a "Diva" for a night!!! Heh heh...

I used to have so many more things to look forward to than that... I used to get out so much more... I am going crazy here!!! Oh, yeah, and this Saturday, I am taking Jean-Alexandre with me to see the Richelieu Choir's Christmas Concert. Looking forward to that too... I absolutely LOVE to hear a choir sing... there is no instrument more heavenly than the human voice...

Must... go... now...
talk.... later...
Fight... the... good... fight
May the... force... be with.... you... ;)