Sunday, June 12, 2005

Real Women

The other day I was reading in the paper about the visit of an "illustrious" French philosopher coming to Québec to give some conference. His philosophy apparently had a lot to do with women and basically, from what I read, his thoughts on the equality of women went like this: "Now that women have been freed by the pill, and may now decide to have sex without the danger of getting pregnant, they are the equal of man."

Ummm, excuse me, but what did that make all the women prior to the second half of the 20th century? Inferior to man? Isn't saying that woman are only ARTIFICIALLY equal to man quite the same as saying that women are NOT equal to man? Because if you are dependant on something outside of yourself to be equal then you can't REALLY be equal can you? So in fact we still haven't evolved, we're still saying the same thing, just in a different manner. The way society swings from one extreme to another without really changing things is incredible. What is wrong with the MIDDLE ground?

The equality of women to men depending on their capacity to have sex and STILL not get pregnant is beyond me. Why should it rest on such a thing? Yes only the woman gets pregnant, (just the way things turned out) but BOTH are fertile, it takes BOTH to conceive and the child is the responsibility and progeniture of BOTH. Obviously, in the real world, men have found it easy to neglect their responsibilities. But shouldn't we be making it a lot harder as a society, for men to neglect their responsibilities instead of making it easier for everyone to be responsibility-free?

The whole idea that women should be the same as men in order to be equal to men is just totally ridiculous. If we were to take a chicken and an apple and then decide that for the apple to have just as much nutritional value as the chicken for our bodies it would have to be genetically modified to become like the chicken, I think everyone would agree that it didn't make sense. Obviously, we get vitamins and other things from the apple that we don't get from the chicken and protein and things from the chicken that we don't get from the apple. We need both.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but men and women are NOT the same and no matter how many mis-guided philosophers and radical feminists out there try to change that fact and turn us into an androgynous society, men and women will NEVER be the same, we are GENETICALLY different.

However, we are equal. We have always been equal. The pill had nothing to do with it. We may not have had equal rights... we might not have believed ourselves to be equal, but we WERE and ARE equal in spite of it. We could not exist one without the other. For a society to truely recognize that equality, it must accept and celebrate our differences.

Welcome to the world of a REAL woman:

1. I do not reject my fertility, I prefer to work with it, guide it if you will. I do not use the pill or any other artificial contraception and never have. (My husband may decide soon to have himself a vasectomy, but that is out of my control and it won't be ME being artificial, it'll be him.) I use natural family planning, which, as long as you are being careful to do it right is just as effective as the pill. And I am still open to life still open to my fertility, I am not rejecting part of who I am. I was MADE this way.

2. I am not afraid to be sexy. Sexy is neither evil nor provocative. A truely sexy woman is a woman at ease with herself, who dresses with style and taste and who likes herself. I am not even against showing some midriff, (although I would not do so myself) if men can go topless, why can't women show a little midriff? Many women pull it off without looking provocative, and as men don't go topless to Church or to classy restaurants, there are places that women should not choose to bare their midriff either. It's all in what you choose to wear with it, how you wear it, where you wear it and the style you wear.

3. I play sports. My kids (including my daughter) play sports. Sports are not just for guys, and contrary to what some very conservative, home-schooling, american families (not all, some) seem to believe, from certain articles I have read, sports are also not just for families with two working parents and only two children, where the parents want peace and quiet so they sign up their kids in a bunch of different activities. I realize some sports like ballet and figure skating will appeal more to girls and other sports like hockey and boxing will appeal more to boys, but girls should not be forced to play hockey against their will so their parents' can feel sexually impartial, and boys should not be kept from figure skating because it is "for girls only". Genuine interests should be encouraged in spite of, or despite gender. Sports are a great way for both boys and girls to let off energy, to release tension, to keep in shape, to have fun meet new people and learn to get along, work as a team and learn self-discipline.

4. I do most of the cooking, not because it is my role as a woman to do the cooking, but because I am the one at home the most and because, quite frankly, except for deserts, (he makes scrumptious date squares and heavenly cheesecake) my husband makes very bland food in general and I prefer MY cooking. I also do the sewing on the sewing machine, because he looks at a pattern and doesn't understand a thing on it. He mows the lawn, because I haven't taken the time to learn how to drive the tracter yet, since he does it anyway, not because I CAN'T learn to do it (it can't be that hard, I used to mow the lawn when all we used was a lawnmower) nor because it's the man's job,... just because those are the roles we've fallen into... and falling into roles, when one is in a "partnership" is not a BAD thing. I have no need of keeping a tally to see who did the dishes or the laundry last.

5. I believe in social justice and liberty for all, not just women and children, for men too. I have a hard time getting involved in womens' rights groups, not only because they defend the right to kill one's unborn child, but because they also seem a bit biased, prejudiced on gender. I can't be for womens' rights only...

I am a REAL woman, not a sterile androgyne.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Daycares and other things...

Some people think I am crazy because I have four kids. They think I must be really busy in a day and not have any time to myself. After having observed a daycare this morning, I think the crazy people are the ones who work in daycares, with 6 children each to watch out for, all within the ages of 1 to 3 years, them and the parents who send their young children there. First of all, I may have 4 kids but the oldest is 11 and the others almost 7, 5 and 2 1/2. I only have to really watch the youngest. And my oldest is old enough to help out. I was at the park today with two other ladies and we were watching a couple of groups of daycares and we were quite glad none of our children were in a daycare. It was just crazy. The kids got far away from the supervisors, they weren't always being watched close enough and besides, how do you keep track of so many young children? It's easy to count to 4, but count to 30? How do you know one hasn't wandered off? Even if you're only assigned 6 out of the 30, with so many children running around, how do you keep track of your 6? One daycare (there were a couple that came to the park) had yellow bibs on all their children. Good idea, but I think there were almost 15 children with yellow bibs. I would have put 5 red bibs, 5 blue bibs and 5 yellow bibs on them and have each worker monitor one colour. Much easier to pick out 5 children of a distinct colour than 5 yellows in a sea of yellow.

I am definitely glad to be able to keep my children at home. Some day when they are older, maybe I can go and work, even if it is only part-time, out of the house, but for now, it is much better for them to be at home with me, and I have a much easier time of it than a daycare worker. No, I am not the crazy one. This society that says have only 1 or 2 children (the minimum, one's duty) and then stick them in daycare so the mother can continue to work, they're the ones that are crazy. I realize some mothers don't have a choice, and that is too bad, but when one is almost made to feel guilty for being a stay-at-home mom, that is even sadder.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Gabriel II

So, today I let him run about half-naked again, and he came twice to me to go to the bathroom. The second time he actually said it, "Me baffroom". Then he seemed to have to go a couple of times again, but nothing came out. So about five minutes later, he passes behind me, goes to the bathroom and I wondered what he was doing in there, so I went to check and there he was, sittin gon the toilet, and he had POOED in it!!! YAY Gabriel!!!!

Ah the joys and triumphs of motherhood... exciting news I know...

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

In the "pool"


Hot day today, I filled this rubber box with water yesterday and Dominic and Maryssa are just having a great time. (Since the wading pool is beyond repair) Posted by Hello

Gabriel

I have Gabriel running around the house with only a shirt on, since I am hoping to get him potty trained. So far I have not discovered any "presents" or puddles, although I am still not quite sure that he is actually using the toilet or the potty if I am not there...

At noon though, I was making sandwiches and he came upstairs and said "Owie, owie" and was holding his penis. I asked him where the owie was and he ran to his room and wanted to put a diaper on. So I suggested the toilet instead and he proceeded to sit and have a good pee.

War on Terrorism

Everytime I read articles about the american army suffering in Iraq, a strange thing happens. Quite similarly to my husband when the topic of religion comes up, my eyes start to get that far away look, then I start to fidget and finally I get up to do something else or leave the room. Actually, in my case, I just stop reading the article and go on to something else.

Not that I don't sympathize with the wives left behind or the soldiers that are sick of being there... (emphasize would be too strong a word, I have a hard time actually feeling moved.) It is mostly because of that absolute certainty of the nobleness and/or necessity of the war that also comes out in those same articles. Also the idea that they are the "good guys" fighting the terrible evil in the Middle East. I just wonder what the generalized evil is that they are fighting. Islam?

I do agree that Sadam Hussein is every bit the madman that Hitler was. But he wasn't trying to take over the world (yet) just killing off his own countrymen. And there are a lot of other countries (Christian ones, well to be more specific, countries in which the people if not the government are Christian) doing that too. The irony of that is, they are quite often doing so with the AID and TRAINING of the US!! (Please see the SOA Watch website for more details on the deeds of SOA graduates. A bit of research will reveal what CIA agents do in other countries as well I am certain...) I have a slight problem with a country going off to fight "terrorism" in another country when it's own closets are full of it.

I totally agree, we SHOULD go to war on terrorism. Put an end to terrorism now! Let's start by closing the SOA and all affiliates for good and never opening up another school like it again. Then we can stop providing terrorist groups with arms and money. Afterwards, we can start giving the money and international support to groups working for peace. Like the group in Colombia that set up a Peace Community (San José de Apartadó) and refused to shelter or aid to either paramilitary, military or guerrilla groups. It was supposed to be a place to get away from terrorism and war. Utopia of course because the military killed nine of them recently and the few who remain are targets. The leader of the 23rd brigade of the National Army who held six families hostage at that time, is a graduate of the SOA. This hardly even makes news!! Finally we could go about restoring respect for human life and dignity, starting with the unborn, the sick and the elderly.

I think we can all agree that communism was evil. And the end of communism was not brought about by guns. Instead it was a much more spiritual and intellectual war. If the REAL honest goal of the US in going to war on Iraq was ONLY to rid the poor Iraquis of their dictator (which if I remember well, the US (CIA, whatever) had once helped to bring to power...? Don't quote me on that...) then why not support the Iraquis in their struggle against him, instead of going in themselves and taking the country? The US is good at that, it wouldn't be the first time a Coup d'État was aided and supported by the US or the CIA. (Thinking of Paraguay and Panama for instance) and in a case like Saddam Hussein, I don't think anyone could blame the US for doing so. And the Iraquis would still have some national pride left over since they'd have been the ones victorious, instead of the US Army coming to "rescue" them. Problem, is it still isn't sure whether the army came to rescue iraquis or iraqui oil.

And we still haven't seen the weapons of mass destruction.

Pregnancy...

Ok, I am going to be really superficial here and say I am NOT looking forward to being fat again!!

I just LOST 15 pounds for goodness sakes,... finally!! I have been trying to lose it for years! And two months later, I get pregnant again... way to go... could it not have waited a few months more (years more?)

Ok, good thing is USUALLY I only ever end up with about 5 pounds extra to lose right after giving birth, and they usually disappear within a month or so. (except for that second pregnancy where I ended up with 15 pounds extra, and it wasn't even due to the pregnancy since I mis-carried after 12 weeks, which is where that 15 extra pounds comes in that I'd been trying to lose for years... oh, and the five extra after Dominic, I didn't actually lose and so when I had Maryssa, it was 10 pounds extra which made me 25 whole pounds overweight (ackkk!!), so after her, I quickly lost 5 extra, and slowly lost 5 more, and just before having Gabriel, lost 5 more... so with Gabriel, I had gained back the 5 more, lost it after a month, but on the move here to Québec gained it again, which brought me back to the same 15 pounds overweight... that was two years ago... this winter I finally lost it... and now that I am pregnant, I see my weight slowly creeping back up (which is normal of course but still...) and I keep imagining myself with 15 pounds to lose again at the end... (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!) I would have liked to have had a couple of years with a (fairly) flat stomache, but nooooooo..... OK, superficialness done...

This will most likely be my very last kid, because I really don't think DH is going to go for NFP anymore. In fact he's been quite adamant about it. What can I do? I can't force him to do or not do anything. What he does, (contrary to what my mother seems to think "You know," (in a very concerned voice) "Marc shouldn't be getting fixed either." which kind of seemed to be hinting that I too would be in sin if he got fixed,) will only affect his OWN soul and not mine. He knows my feelings about getting fixed. I'm not going to get fixed, but I can't stop him from doing it if he is determined. Sex probably won't be same after,... but he probably won't even notice...

So, if we are counting from the first day of my last period, I would be about 15 weeks pregnant tommorrow. Since that is SO not a reliable means of figuring out how far along I am or what my due date might be,... and I figure I probably got pregnant about 3-4 weeks (and not 2 weeks) after that date, I should take off at least 2 weeks and bring it to about 13 weeks... although even that isn't reliable. Everytime I thought I figured out the possible due date for the last three children, the ultrasound predicted it for 2 or 3 weeks later. For Jean-Alexandre it was the same thing too, but I had a nincompoop for a doctor so he didn't want to even tell me if he thought the ultrasounds predicted something else, he was going with the date of my last period and that was final, no matter how long my cycle was... why didn't I dump him right away? Oh yeah, I was young and didn't know I could...

So I have gained 5 pounds and I keep wondering if this is normal for my stage or not, and am I gaining too quickly, and... ?

Speaking of Doctors, I still haven't seen one, and don't want to. I don't want to go on a "compatible doctor" search. I don't have access to a mid-wife here because of ridiculous over-regulation of mid-wives by the government, so what am I going to do? Still don't know... I feel like having the baby by myself at home just to spite them all.