Coucoumellisms

Looking around a bit at different saints' lives, it seems to me that not all that many of them had very happy lives. Most saints seem to suffer a lot... (And endure it patiently of course) So I guess being ready to give up happiness would be putting myself on the path to sainthood? Not that I am anywhere near sainthood. Just that this seems to be a requirement for sainthood.... If that is what it takes, then I am ready... (I think) although I am not quite ready to do this without complaining just yet... and I am nowhere near patient,... and I am nowhere near good,... I am a procrastinator of the highest degree, in fact here I am on the computer again when I could be using free time to do something more useful... I have always thought that God wishes us to be happy, even on earth... and that of course by following his laws (which are there to help us to be happy) we could be happy... but I think I was wrong... not that he doesn't want us to be happy... but happiness...

Pray for us now and at the hour of our death. Someone suggested to me that I check out the green scapular, that through it's graces, conversion of loved ones could be obtained. I have hidden the scapular under the mattress in our room. And I have been repeating the prayer all evening... sometimes with tears rolling out of my eyes. The graces are proportional to one's confidence in Mary... I do not know how much confidence I have,... but I am praying,... as much for myself as for him. "I do not promise to bring happiness for you in this world, but in the next." Mary told Bernadette. Someone else keeps telling me "La vida no es como uno quiere." Life is not how one would like it to be. Does this mean I have to give up my happiness for holiness? Look at St. Rita, if anyone deserved to have her marriage annulled, it was her, married off at 15 to someone she hadn't chosen and who abused her... yet she stayed with him, and despite the fact sh...

Marc and Jeanne, Jean-Alexandre 10 1/2, Dominic 6, Maryssa 4 1/2 and Gabriel 2

Please help me to love the way I should, even when I don't want to anymore... Even when I don't feel anything anymore... Help me to love as you do... Help me to be patient with my children and my husband.

Maxine Praying

Someone told me today that talking with me was something like having a mental orgasm. Apart from being a wonderful complement, it made me think of Christopher West's book Good News for Sex and Marriage. He describes sex between a husband and wife as a sacrament, as being the closest thing on earth to what we will have in Heaven being in Communion with God and each other. He compares sex to the Eucharist. Sex is something sacred, something holy, something extremely beautiful. It is good to have friends on earth with whom one can achieve this type of "spiritual orgasm". Some people are lucky enough to be married to people with whom they can achieve both spiritual and corporal orgasm. It reminds of a song that Enrique Iglesias sings. Actually one of the better ones in his repertory: Experiencia Religiosa . I don't know who wrote this, but I wonder if he knew how close he really was to the truth? I wonder if Enrique Iglesias ever realized it? Somehow I doubt it. Experie...

Maryssa, Gabriel, Jean-Alexandre and Dominic Christmas, 2004

Jean-Alexandre and I just before going to a Christmas concert December 11, 2004

...what you never had. I have come to realize that.

Ceci vient d'une homélie d'un Saint Origène du 3e siecle: C'était comme si c'était écrit pour moi. Je me sens prisonnière de ma vie. Je ne me sens plus capable d'être heureuse dans cette vie. Voilà une réponse... chercher l'enfant Jésus au temple, le serrer dans ses bras, et ainsi on peut être heureux n'importe o ù, là o ù on se trouve. Siméon savait que personne ne peut nous faire sortir de la prison du corps, avec l'espoir de la vie future, si ce n'est celui qu'il tenait dans ses bras. C'est pourquoi il lui dit : « Maintenant, Seigneur, tu laisses ton serviteur s'en aller dans la paix, car aussi longtemps que je ne portais pas le Christ et que je ne le serrais pas dans mes bras, j'étais comme prisonnier et ne pouvais me dégager de mes liens. » Et il est à remarquer que ceci ne vaut pas seulement pour Siméon, mais pour tous les hommes. Si quelqu'un quitte ce monde et veut gagner le Royaume, qu'il prenne Jésus en ses main...

How does one pass on one's faith when one's husband not only does not believe, but hates the faith? How can I encourage my children to keep going to mass once they hit adolescence when I have agreed not to force them to go anymore at that point? By not forcing them to go, I did not think that I would not be able to insist either, I did not think that DH would actually openly tell them that they no longer needed to go if they didn't want to... but I can see clearly now, that that is exactly what he will do. A friend of mine told me recently that he could imagine how my DH feel about religion. He thinks that DH is not truely an unbeliever but that he is hurt and disappointed. I think he nailed it right on. I have thought that for a long time, and I have a good idea why. My friend said that a true unbeliever would simply not care about religion either way, would not rant and rave or blaspheme about it, it would simply leave him indifferent. But this is not the case for D...

... how we as humans can continue to live life as if nothing were wrong, as if we weren't torn up inside, as if we weren't regretting all the little mistakes and wrong decisions that lead us to places we don't want to be, but are not free to leave. Amazing how one can live happy moments, can laugh and joke and appear at peace with oneself and yet feel empty inside. Human capacity, human strength is amazing. The ability to do what is right, to search for the truth, to put others first, to sacrifice oneself...

What a beautiful day we had today! It was like spring this morning. The birds were singing, the snow was melting for the third day in a row (not much is left in the fields), the sun even came out for awhile, the grass is turning green!! Of course that is all an illusion because it will get colder quick enough. (In fact it is already below freezing right now.) I love spring. It puts me in a good mood. It's new life, new beginnings, hope,... It felt like that today, how nice, for the new year... a new year is that too, new beginnings... I was in a good mood today. Maybe part of the reason I'm down/tired/lack energy these days is because it's winter, that has never really affected me before,... but one spring-like day sure lifted my spirits!!! Well, time to go get supper on, I think DH has already started on that,... I should go and see if anything else should be done... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! BONNE ANNEE!!! FELIZ ANO NUEVO!!!