Wednesday, January 30, 2008

If I were a better Catholic...

... I might have more confidence in the power of my prayers.

I'm not sure how prayers works, nor how it gets around obstacles like free will. But I imagine it is some kind of spiritual energy. We don't have power of thought like God does obviously. Maybe some people have learned to channel mind power to bend spoons, that remains to be seen. But that hardly compares to what God has done with creation. I imagine prayer is not limited to simple conversation with God.

On the other hand, perhaps it is, and all God waits for is for someone to ask Him for a certain thing, in order for him to use his all-mighty thought to do it or suggest it.

Either way, I used to be much more positive about prayer 15 years ago. I have grown cynical. Perhaps I am walking the desert. I know God exists, because I have felt His presence in my life, seen his influence in how things turned out, although I have a hard time seeing it now. I know He exists because of those signs from Heaven Sam and I were talking about the other day. But I have prayed and prayed for certain things, and I see no change. I have no confidence that things will change.

Perhaps that is my problem? That I pray yet expect nothing? How does one force oneself to hope without setting oneself up for disappointment?