Was reading through the Chatelaine Québec February 2008 edition the other day, and they had done this survey on sex. (Of course, what else?) While I am relieved to find out that in fact contrary to what the media would have us think, only a very small minority is actually into kinky sex, threesomes and exchangism... some of the questions they asked and issues brought up disturbed me.
For one, there is this common idea that one must perform in bed. Huh?! What? Perform? Are we on a stage for all the world to see? Has sex become some act where one must neverendingly surpass one's previous performances and become increasingly more imaginative and innovative? No wonder these people are never satisfied with the sex they are having. They're putting WAY too much pressure on each other, and they keep wondering what they might be missing out on elsewhere.
Sometimes, simplicity is what is most profound. You find someone you really like, and are attracted to, you get to know them, you share your most intimate thoughts with them, you realize you have similar points of view on all things important. You realize you want to spend your life with them. You marry them, you make love to them. You don't perform. This person knows your intimate thoughts remember? No acting here. Just a deep sharing of who you both are. Simple as that. It doesn't matter if you are in bed or on a deserted beach somewhere, making love is always good with a person like that. No pressure.
Then there is the issue of how a woman's self-image gets in the way of her performance in bed. Gosh, again, a partner who knows your intimate thoughts isn't going to judge you on a bit of belly flab. And if you also know his most intimate thoughts, you'd know this by now.