Some days I think I'd like to go back to civilization. And then suddenly, I am reminded of the brainless chittering that goes on in our consumerist society. Instead of going for what lasts, society prefers disposable. Disposable diapers, disposable "swiffers", disposable relationships, disposable sex.
And then, suddenly I prefer the quiet of my island. I have no desire to even have a romantic relationship. I think I no longer believe in love. Or at least, I think very few men out there prefer the non-disposable kind of love. I am dis-enchanted. I prefer to be single than to even try having some kind of relationship. I believe I am better off alone.
I had a husband once. He didn't make it to the island, he couldn't swim very well. He's gone on to a better place. I hope. Yes, I had a husband once. There is a time for everything, and for everything a place. I do not believe I am called to go back to that. I do not desire to sacrifice myself for someone who misunderstands me. I think few men would understand me now.
I had a child once. That I miss. There is nothing like holding your baby for the first time. There is nothing like teaching your child to pray, holding your child when he is tired, sick or hurt. There is nothing like looking apon the angelic face of your sleeping child.
But not even for the gift of holding a child again will I give up myself.