Apparently these are actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers:
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.
3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.