From Hi5 - November 17, 2004

My Eowyn dress 

FEELING DISCOURAGED TODAY!!!

I want to open a hair salon in our home, nothing fancy, we don't have the money for that, all I ask is that it be clean and free of clutter, that I be able to get a permit and a business account at the bank, that I be able to accept at least mastercard and visa, (not ready for interact yet, that would cost too much, and I'd have to have a big enough clientel, and I currently have NO clientel.)

Anyway, where I am situated, you can only have a home business, you can't have a commercial building, and you can't modify the room you use too much, it has to be easily restored to it's original use.

It seems like everyone is against me though... DH doesn't understand the need for professionalism, for some reason, IMAGE is no big deal to him (image is EVERYTHING of course if you want a successful business in hairdressing, I'm not opening a mechanics shop here!!) DH figures I should just send out publicity and start up right now, no permit, by appointment only (I'd lose out on all the people who like to just walk in), and the room I want to use is full of boxes and clutter... REAL professional. He wanted me to cut his hair last night, (which didn't get done again) so I asked him to help me move some stuff downstairs so I could put the cutting chair in it's place and cut his hair down there. (I've been cutting hair with people sitting on stools and I tell you, I'm glad to at least have the cutting chair back!!! It saves me from having to bend over all the time.) So then he sarcastically said "I thought you couldn't cut hair in this place."

I explained to him that for friends and family it was okay, but I can't invite pure strangers, into a messy room like that to cut thier hair, it's unprofessional. Then he started arguing that we can't fix it up, we don't have money... (It sure takes a lot of money to unpack boxes, put things away, throw some out and maybe give some away... are we going to be hiring people to do this instead of doing it ourselves?) I told him again that I wanted a permit. The he told me he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

Then I told him that he was acting exactly the way he acted when we were trying to sell the house and who was right about that? (Me.)

So, I don't have any support from DH, and I wanted to take a course today, one of four, which gives you a formation in handling business, but I can't because I can't find a babysitter. Daycares don't take kids just once in awhile, they only want the permanent ones (minimum 3 days a week EVERY week). I finally found a place that has a list of babysitters, but most of those were teenagers (they'll be in school when I need a babysitter) and the others either weren't home, or refused. I left a message with a few and noone has called back. One of the few I actually talked to asked if it was a young child, I said no, I have four children, two at home and two more that come home from school later on. That was when she abruptly told me that she wasn't babysitting anymore, she had got work now. (But if it had been only one young child she'd still have been interested?) The other was an older lady who didn't want to babysit outside of her neighbourhood.

To even get a permit from the city, I have to first get permission from the Association for the protection of Agricultural land because I am living in an agricultrual area, that takes a minimum of 4 months to process and costs just over $200 dollars. I would put aside a bit of my own money to cover this, but I haven't even talked about that yet to DH (he's not open to discussion).

So, do I just give up, put my kids into daycare and find work elsewhere?

I used to love Québec,... now I resent it for what it is doing to my husband,... we've been tight financially before, and he's worried, but here, it's like he feels pressure to be rich or something...

I don't know the people he works with but I'm guessing they're the type who had their token child or maximum two children (if they have any) and DECIDED to stop there, (no offence to those who COULDN'T have any more) if they have a significant other, both probably work and have good incomes, so they all probably have two cars, a big house, no money problems etc, etc,...

In Prince George, he seemed to want a fourth child, when people asked us if we were stopping at three, at first I said I didn't think we'd have any more, because I didn't think he was the type to want more. Then he started answering that I didn't want more. Which surprised me, becaue I thought HE didn't want more. So we decided to have another.

Here, he often makes comments about the size of our family, and how smart others are not to have so many, or how they weren't dumb enough to have so many, (which means we were dumb) the kids cost too much, he's poor (which he is NOT! He doesn't know what poor is if he thinks we are poor!)

I said we could sit down and figure out a budget for things like food, and payments, that way I'd know what I could spend on food and other things and I wouldn't go over it. He wasn't interested, (maybe because that would mean he is poor if he has to live on a budget?) I bet our budget wouldn't even be very restrictive...

I dislike Québec, I hate its extreme liberalism, its disregard for life and religion, (more specifically the Catholic religion, it's like they are a bunch of adolescents rebelling against their parents, everyone else's parents are cool, all the other religions are cool, but not their own...), its individualism and consumerism. I hate its promotion of all sorts of things like prostitution and pornography and infidelity right in front of children... I hate the way they twist the truth and make good things look bad, and bad things look good. I feel better knowing that there are other people out there who think more like me even though we are a minority, thanks to Radio Ville-Marie, but it would be SO nice to actually meet some people in MY area who think the same way too.

Here's a picture of my dress that I made for the Halloween party that flopped this year. I'm not organizing any more parties, noone wants to come out here anyway except maybe Cecil and Rose Anne.