Didn't make it to Holy Communion today...

I'm playing in a volleyball tournament tomorrow, so I won't be able to make it to mass. I went today at 4:30 pm, after Dominic's soccer game.

I didn't make it to Holy Communion though, for two reasons.

1. My kids were so disruptive, and sometimes I had to grab one while I was still holding on to another, to make them stay put or behave. I was certainly in no spiritual readiness to receive Jesus. I always hesitate in times like those though, because I don't know if, out of respect when I am just so darn mad, I should refrain from receiving Holy Communion, or if it is the devil attacking me at that precise moment when I am feeling out of sorts and need Holy Communion the most, and making me feel I should not go.

2. The choir did that unorthodox thing again, where they sing the whole first part of the Eucharistic Prayer except for the words of Jesus which they let the priest say. The Instruction Redemptionis Sacrementum has this to say, in Chapter Three :

[52.] The proclamation of the Eucharistic Prayer, which by its very nature is the climax of the whole celebration, is proper to the Priest by virtue of his Ordination. It is therefore an abuse to proffer it in such a way that some parts of the Eucharistic Prayer are recited by a Deacon, a lay minister, or by an individual member of the faithful, or by all members of the faithful together. The Eucharistic Prayer, then, is to be recited by the Priest alone in full.[131]

Oh, and it also mentions this:

53.] While the Priest proclaims the Eucharistic Prayer “there should be no other prayers or singing, and the organ or other musical instruments should be silent”,[132] except for the people’s acclamations that have been duly approved, as described below.

[54.] The people, however, are always involved actively and never merely passively: for they “silently join themselves with the Priest in faith, as well as in their interventions during the course of the Eucharistic Prayer as prescribed, namely in the responses in the Preface dialogue, the Sanctus, the acclamation after the consecration and the “Amen” after the final doxology, and in other acclamations approved by the Conference of Bishops with the recognitio of the Holy See”.[133]

Somehow, I don't think the people who prepare the celebrations of mass really care what is correct and what is incorrect, and probably don't care to find out why it is incorrect either... sigh... So basically, I went to a mass, that turned out to be a Liturgy of the Word, with some protestant "Last Supper" memorial celebration mixed in. In other words, at this point, the priest utters so little of the consecration part of the Eucharistic Prayer that it is debatable whether the host is actually a host. So I presume that I did not miss anything at all, since it is actually debatable that anyone attending that mass even received real Hosts at all.

You know, at least once a month or so, I really wonder why I still bother. When you add up all the negativity towards mass on the part of my husband, the energy and planning it takes to actually make it to mass without the support of said husband, the behaviour of my children at mass when they are there, (they are often the only ones, so they seem even louder in a quiet, echo-y place where noise travels so well) and to top it off, we don,t even get a real mass anyway. Why DO I bother? Really?

And yet, the one thing I fear most, is that my children will NOT have Jesus in their hearts, that they will reject God and his teachings, that they will lead lives far from grace and not know God as He wishes them to know him. That scares me more than anything else.