Coucoumellisms

Nosotros, las mujeres, somos hechas para amar, para dar, para acoger, para hacerle placer al otro.  Es lo que hacemos cuando amamos a alguien.  Este deseo a darlo todo, hacerle placer al otro, acoger al otro es nuestra fuerza, pero también nuestra debilidad. Es por estos mismos sentimientos que somos facilmente manipuladas. Me acuerdo muy bien como era cuando tenía 21 años.  Quieres estar con un hombre porque te gusta mucho.  Quieres pasar un rato con él. Pero no quieres sexo, no todavía.  Quieres hacerle placer, pero no quieres sexo.  Quieres un poco de afección, pero no quieres sexo.  No quieres rechazarlo, pero no quieres sexo. No quieres enojarte con él por insistir, porque tampoco no quieres ser rechazado por él, y no quieres herir sus sentimientos, porque lo quieres, pero no quieres sexo.  Terminas en aceptar más que lo que te deja cómoda, porque lo quieres, pero no quieres sexo. Antes, la sociedad tenía reglas para proteger a sus hijas ...

We women are made to love, to give, to be welcoming, to want to please.  It's what we do best when we love someone.  But this desire to give all, to please, to welcome in, also makes us easily manipulated by our emotions. I remember very well how it was when I was 21.  You want to be with a man because you really like him.  You want to spend time with him.  But you don't want sex, not yet.  You want to please him, but you don't want sex.  You want affection, but you don't want sex.  You don't want to reject him, but you don't want sex.  You also don't want to get mad at him for insisting, because you don't want to be rejected either, and you don't want to hurt his feelings, because you like him, but you don't want sex.  So you accept a little more than you're really comfortable with, because you like him, but you don't want sex. Society used to have rules in order to protect its young, open-hearted, giving, loving daughters.  Be...

Something someone said the other day kind of struck me.  My friend's husband left her, and among other nasty things he's said about her, he said this: she was lousy in bed. I'm sorry, but that's not even possible.  That's a figment of modern society's imagination and too much porn.  It's the idea that sex is a sport, and that people are expected to perform somehow, to keep things interesting and if they don't, then they're lousy in bed. As if switching it up, or switching partners was what made sex interesting.  As if just being with someone you find genuinely interesting wasn't enough to make sex interesting.  As if you could find sex boring with the one person you think is the most awesome, most interesting person you know. There is no such thing as being lousy in bed. If you think, (and it IS all in your head) that a person is lousy in bed, it is because YOU are not genuinely interested in them.  The problem, my friend, is with YOU....

Looking for a path to self-betterment?  Try getting married and having kids. I can't imagine a better way to make it to sainthood. Of course, this implies that you are the kind of person who will compromise, be patient and work hard at staying married and raising healthy kids. Because your marriage and your kids will require constant patience, and compromise.  You will consistently be reminded of all your shortcomings, and you will be required to admit to them and work at overcoming them.  Your faults will consistently be brought up, if not directly, then at least indirectly, by the consequences of things done, left undone or done badly.  Every fail will be revisited.  Every shortcoming will haunt you. You will be forced to learn patience in the dead of night after one more sleepless night in a row of sleepless nights.  You will learn to bite your tongue instead of lashing out.  You will learn humility, you will learn that you are not perfect....

I came across this on Facebook just now, and... I kind of felt the need to put a little input into it, just from the perspective of a 41 year old woman. First off, these aren't signs that you are falling in love.  These are signs that you are attracted to him.  Love comes after, and it has nothing to do with these things.  Love is a choice.  You found a guy you were attracted to.  Good.  He turned out to be an awesome guy.  Even better.  You think (mostly) alike on all the important issues, you complement each other, you argue, but you make compromises, and you try to understand where the other is coming from.  You don't need to compromise on the big stuff, because you agree on that.  You can talk to each other about pretty much anything.  You share the important things.  You care about the well-being of each other.  You respect each other.  The more you get to know him, the better you like him.  The more ...

Imagine this scenario for a minute: You ordain a straight priest.  You ask him to take vows of obedience, chastity and celibacy.  Then you put him in a women's monastery for the rest of his life, where he will be sharing meals, activities, common rooms and bathrooms with all kinds of women, many of them young and attractive.  Does expecting him to remain chaste and celibate while spending most of his time with women sound a little far-fetched? But then can one expect the same of a gay priest who spends most of his time in a community with other men, some of them also gay, and many of whom are quite attractive? For a man who has no desire at all for marriage with a woman, to be asked to give up marriage and live all his life with men he is attracted to is either an excruciating, intolerable, practically impossible sacrifice in the case where he does remain faithful to his vows of celibacy and chastity, or it is not a sacrifice at all. Can a gay priest ever really und...

Over at the National Catholic Register, Jennifer Fulwiler makes 5 secular arguments for not living together before marriage: 1. It makes it too easy to drift into marriage. 2. It makes the proposal anti-climactic. 3. It renders most wedding traditions meaningless. 4. It sends the message the marriage is not important to you. 5. It limits your options. The most important of these, by far, is the first: It makes it too easy to drift into marriage Practical problems like financial pressures or roommate issues can make moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend seem to be the easiest solution, whether or not you're certain that this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. Then, as the months turn into years and you're still under the same roof, you naturally start thinking about marriage -- if nothing else because it seems to be the next logical step. If you've been living together long enough and things are going fine, eventually there's a...

There truly is a very thin line between what is rape and what is not rape. So men, when she tells you outright, that she doesn't want to have sex with you, but you grope her anyway; when she pushes your hands away, but you keep putting them back; when she doesn't get up, slap you in the face and leave, but tolerates it, because she does like you; when she stops pushing your hand away because you are not listening anyway, because she hasn't acquired that self-assurance she needs yet, to really stand up and make you listen, and because she actually still TRUSTS you not to go any further; what do you do? If she has stopped resisting the groping, do you decide to take it further?  Then despite further attempted resisting, when you've managed to arouse her enough that she can't resist anymore, because she'd never been aroused before and she didn't know what it was like, is that all the invitation you need to go on and finish it?  Because now her bo...

Which is not to say that there can not be times when it is.  But that is not essentially what it is. Marriage means living with another person, and living with another person is a constant challenge to better yourself.  Because when you don't live with a person, things you say or do, or don't say or do, and vice versa, don't matter at the end of the day, but when you do live with a person, everything matters. Marriage is a wake-up call.  The perfect partner does not exist, no matter how "made-in-Heaven" s/he may seem at the start.  Only one Being is perfect, and if you are looking for perfection, I suggest you become a hermit and spend the rest of your days in a cave, communing with God and nature. Not your vocation?  Not surprising, since most people need to be challenged in their path to sainthood. This isn't to say that I do not believe in the idea of soul mates.  I do believe soul mates exist.  I do not think that every one meet...

I was listening to Father Barron's Catholicism Series last night, and he mentioned something that stuck with me.  He said something about the difference between Christians (and people from certain other religions) and the secular world, is often the difference between knowing we are sinners and not knowing it. Someone who knows he is a sinner and knows he needs to ask forgiveness no matter how hard it is, will be quite different and react quite differently from someone who would rather ignore the fact that they are a sinner. As a parent, it is easy for me to get mad at my kids and blame them when things don't go as planned, even if it isn't entirely their fault.  It's not easy to let go of pride and say I'm sorry.  I think it's even harder when you don't even believe in sin or God, or that we are all sinners who need forgiveness. I have seen two dear friends go through their spouse cheating on them in recent years, and I have a theory:  face...

I'm beginning to think there is more to this idea that men should be the "head of the household". There is the obvious - men are physically stronger; but that's not it.  It goes deeper than that, and it isn't that women are in a lower class, and need to be told what to do either.  It isn't that at all.  Being the head does not make you the boss. If men are the head of the household, it goes without saying that women are the heart. Peter Kreeft compares men, in a talk that he gives, to reason and women to faith.  In general, this is true.  We are complementary.  He goes on to say that Christianity is a marriage.  Not just between Christ and his bride the Church, but between man (Adam) and Eve (woman), between Reason (which started with the Greek philosophers) and Faith (which started with Judaism and is completed in Christianity). When a "divorce" happens between faith and reason, the Church weakens. I know quite a few men, who seem to be ...

Just a few thoughts that I have written over the years, beginning with the earliest and ending with the most recent (today's thought, actually) on dating, relationships and marriage; a few things I'd like my own children to think about, or anyone else who's single : 1. Don't rush into things.  Marriage typically lasts a VERY, very, long time. 2. Don't ever compromise on the important things.  It doesn't matter how perfect the other person seems otherwise, there ARE other fish in the sea. 3. Have fun together. 4. Take long walks in the park. 5. Go to bed early.  There will be tomorrows. 6. Make sure the other person is willing (and able) to talk things out.  Brooding, walking out, refusing to talk, ignoring you, those are NOT good signs. 7. Enjoy sports together, or some other active activity. 8. Talk about the important issues - abortion, euthanasia, contraception, etc... and make sure that you are on the SAME side. 9.  Be sure that you are ...

A night out with the husband. Or a night in...

Imagine for a minute that marriage never existed.  Fidelity/infidelity as a result, also never existed.  Imagine that the wishful thinking of Jean M Auel in the Clan of the Cave Bear and the rest of the series Earth's Children, is actually the norm.  In these books, from the time a girl becomes a woman (from her first menstrual cycle on) and the time a boy becomes a man (after his first kill - about the same age as for girls), they can just have sex with whomever they want, whenever they want.  Babies are gifts from the Mother or from the Great Cave Bear, depending on whether you are homo sapiens or Neanderthal, and they have no idea that sex is involved.  At least in the books, "mating" does exist. If you are Neanderthal, your mate is chosen for you and you are stuck with him/her until one of you dies.  Homo sapiens also mate but some do separate - although this is rare.  So families are more or less stable, children are brought up by the mot...

Nicky:  We should move. Me:  You want to move? Nicky:  Yeah, we should move to a bigger house, for when we have another baby. Me:  You want another baby? Nicky:  I want another sister.  (Pause)  Why is Elodie a girl?  Why did they have 2 girls and 1 boy?  Why not 2 boys and 1 girl or 2 boys and 2 girls? Me: I guess you get what God gives you. Nicky:  They didn't even get married before Elodie! Me:  You think you need to get married before each child? Nicky:  When you have something coming out of your belly, you should get married quick.

A couple of months ago, a friend of mine shared this video on facebook: I watched it, and I said to myself, "Self, here is a guy who can just write up a song like that on the fly, sing it with a big smile on his face, and it sounds good with nothing accompanying him but the guitar."  And myself replied, "We have to check this guy out." So we did.  We checked out some songs on youtube, we joined the fan page on facebook, and from there, we found out about his website: http://www.andrewallenlive.com/fr_home.cfm From the updates on the facebook fanpage, we discovered a few more songs including " Loving you tonight " which has to be my new favourite song, and " Not loving you ".  I'm the kind of girl who listens to the lyrics in a song and gets a kick out of them.  Bad lyrics ruin otherwise good music for me.  Lyrics I can't stand will just make me hate a song in spite of catchy music behind it.  I like songs that ta...

I'm a little late, because I only just saw the movie Avatar recently.  I didn't go to theatres to see it (so I didn't see it in 3-D) because I stayed home with Nicolas.  (We rented a movie for him at home instead). Marc bought the movie in blue ray, so we watched it the other day. I know a few people didn't think it was that great, other than the special effects. The story ressembles the story of first nations and the first Europeans who came to conquer (and take the ressources).  But there's a twist, the natives on this world really are connected to their world in a special way.  I thought the story was well-written, I didn't find it the boring repeat of stories already told that some people thought it was.  The story was able to stand alone, even without all the cool special effects. But let's just say for a moment that the special effects weren't all that great and the story line not all that original. It wouldn't matter as long a...

To Women: He's sensitive, romantic and tries hard to please you, but when there's a problem he seems oblivious. When you ask for input on a decision, he says, "It’s up to you." Women give this book to men, tell them to read it and say, "This is what I have been trying to tell you all this time!" To Men: No matter how hard you try to please her, she's not happy. You work hard, but don’t feel appreciated. You feel you have lost control of your life. Learn how to gain respect and become a hero to the woman in your life. After reading this book, ask a woman if what it says is what she really wants. You may be surprised at her response. Check it out

Fireproofing our marriages Posted: October 04, 2008 1:00 am Eastern by: Jonathon Falwell © 2008 (...) The new movie titled "Fireproof" is proving to be a great encouragement tool for Christian couples across the nation. Released last weekend, the film starring Kirk Cameron as a firefighter battling to save his marriage was the nation's fourth-most attended movie of the week (in only 839 theaters). The filmmakers tell me that it was even the top-grossing film in about 200 of the theaters it was in. (...) (...) To learn more about "Fireproof," please visit these websites: http://www.fireproofmymarriage.com/ and http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/ . NOTE: I was fascinated to read that Kirk Cameron will not kiss an actress while filming a scene for a movie. Therefore, in "Fireproof," Cameron's real-life wife, Chelsea Noble, was brought in to shoot the kissing scene (she was made up to resemble actress Erin Bethea, who plays Cameron's wife in the fil...